a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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