He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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