She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
