Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
