in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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