Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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