How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
