I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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