so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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