is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
