i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
