I am spending my child support on dildos
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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