im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
