one might say we're banned from that church
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
