I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
