You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
