the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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