dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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