Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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