oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
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