just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
