tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
