Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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