first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I smell stomach acid.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
