I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
