Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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