Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
