On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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