i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
