that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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