OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
