when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Say something about gay babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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