Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
