Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
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You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
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There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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