Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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