Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
