my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
