He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
