Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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