I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
