so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
