He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
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Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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