I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
