How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
