Whod you bang
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I will pee on everything he values.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
