I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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