I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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