I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
