So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just want to make out with him forever
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
