Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
