cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
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He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
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She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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