I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
