i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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