You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
