just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
