also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This is my gift to your gina
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
