I faked an abortion last night.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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