i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize