Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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