A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Come on in and take your pants off
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