i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
