surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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